The Disappointment of College Admissions: What to Do Next

Each year since the pandemic began, students and families are hopeful that the application process will return to some sense of normalcy. Admissions at many schools have always been unpredictable, with many more qualified applicants applying than a university could admit. However, even schools that were once predictable now have become wildcards, meaning it is almost impossible to guess who will be accepted. We don’t know when or if the college admissions process will ever settle back down, but we hope that after witnessing the upheaval over the last couple of years, students and parents are more prepared for the unknown.  However, we understand that being prepared does not make receiving an unfavorable decision any easier.

If admissions decisions were based on hard work, effort, and resilience alone, practically every high school senior should receive happy news. Unfortunately, we continue to be reminded that college admissions can be inconsistent and, dare we say it, unfair.

The 2022-2023 application season has seen yet another increase in applications submitted. Why? Between test optional policies causing more students to take a shot at a possible dream school and many inexplicable results from the last few years, students continue to submit more applications to more colleges each year. This increase results in more disappointed students with unanswered questions: What did I do wrong? Did I make a mistake on my application? Why was I not good enough? Was all of my hard work a waste of time?

Before we continue to the next steps, we want to point out that how a parent reacts to possible disappointing news can significantly impact how a child reacts. Do your best to remain positive, and don’t let them see your own disappointment. You don’t want your child to think you are disappointed in them or you feel they could have done more. Lynn Lyons, co-author of “Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents: 7 Ways to Stop the Worry Cycle and Raise Courageous & Independent Children,” says, “As early acceptances and rejections begin to arrive, we need to be keenly aware of the dangerous message that there is one path to success, that these decisions—made by an institution that doesn’t even know your child—define a teen’s future.” She adds, “A rigid, all or nothing mentality . . . absolutely fuels anxiety and depression in teens.” If your student is not admitted to a dream school, allow them to take some time to be sad. 

When your child is ready to talk, you may consider doing the following:

1. Explain that college admissions decisions are based on several factors a student cannot control. Colleges’ institutional and enrollment goals can dictate which students are admitted or denied, and these goals can change each year. An applicant may have been ruled out for reasons unrelated to grades or test scores. Maybe this was the year that the Division 1 football team lost four starting players, and one of those replacements edged them out of a seat. Perhaps the school had already selected what they deemed as enough students from a particular state. Or maybe they needed more students who play instruments or speak foreign languages and passed over an application in favor of students with these desired talents. For more information on how decisions are made, check out An Inside Look at How College Applications are Evaluated.

2. Remind your child to think about what they really want in their college experience and what they hope to gain from their education. They may realize that the school they thought was their dream school is actually less of a fit than they once believed. Emphasize the importance of a good fit and remind them that finding a college that is the right fit for them is more important than the name of that college. 

3. Encourage your student to join social media groups for accepted students at the schools that admitted them, reach out to current students or recent graduates, visit campuses, and attend admitted student events that may be held in person or online.

4. Highlight the importance of post-graduation outcomes and remind your student that a college degree from a less-known institution can still open the same doors as a “prestigious” school. Help them look at the college’s website to see what graduates do – you will find very impressive and successful alums from every school. 

5. Talk about the value of networking: Networking opportunities, internships, and extracurricular activities can be found at any college, regardless of its name. Encourage the student to think about using these opportunities to build connections and gain experience in their field of interest. Sometimes it is easier to stand out among peers at a smaller or less selective college.

6. Share success stories of successful people who attended colleges that were not their first choice or are not well-known but still achieved their career goals. Check out Wall Street Journal’s article, Before They Were Titans, Moguls and Newsmakers, These People Were...Rejected.

7. Finally, hug your student and tell them that you are proud of them no matter where they go to college. Remind them that someday their alma mater will not matter nearly as much as what they made of their college experience.