Mental Health and Our College Bound Teens
You don’t have to be a parent of a teenager to know that the college admissions process creates anxiety and overwhelming pressure on college-bound high school students. You also don’t need to be a parent to know that, now more than ever, our kids face a mental health crisis unlike anything we have seen before. According to a CDC Press Release in March 2022, “Prior to the pandemic, mental health was getting worse among high school students, according to prior CDC data,” and there is no question that the pandemic significantly exacerbated the problem. Statistics from the National Alliance on Mental Illness (“NAMI”) show that, in 2020, one out of six kids ages 6-17 struggle with a mental health disorder each year. Further, suicide is the second leading cause of death in US youth ages 10-14. Add the overwhelming pressure of getting into a “good” college that college-bound students experience, often as early as middle school, and it’s clear that our kids are being robbed of the ability to enjoy their teenage years.
This pressure stems from various sources, including society, the news media, peers, parents and other family members, colleges, and the students themselves. Students, parents, and society focus on admissions to the same small cluster of colleges. Many students sadly believe that admissions to one of these highly rejective colleges will validate their self-worth. In his Washington Post article, How college admissions has turned into something akin to ‘The Hunger Games”, Brennan Barnard states, “In 20 years of counseling students, I have witnessed a seismic shift in the approach toward college admission. As application numbers have increased, so has the collective angst around college admission. With sinking admission rates, high-stakes testing, rising tuition costs, unmanageable debt, and an unhealthy fixation on the handful of most selective schools, we are debilitating the next generation of learners. The message we inadvertently send: A prestige acceptance is better than a joyful childhood.”
Admission to one of these highly rejective schools is not a golden ticket to happiness and success, as so many mistakenly believe. Too many college applicants ignore fit when building a college list and only focus on the college's name, often based on the seriously flawed college rankings. A New York Times article states, “College presidents have decried the U.S. News rankings as meaningless. Policymakers accused them of skewing educational priorities. And high school guidance counselors call them unreliable.“ Yet, according to Rick Clark, an admissions professional at Georgia Tech, “each year we hear stories from students who say they were not allowed to apply to schools ranked below the Top 25; or thought they could only apply to schools within the Top 10 in a particular field; or were pressured to ultimately choose the highest ranked school to which they were admitted.”
Competition for admission to highly rejective schools is steep. College-bound students feel an almost unbearable pressure to do more, be more, achieve more, and be the best to make themselves as competitive as possible. Students overwhelm themselves with insane numbers of AP, IB, college-level, or honors classes while trying to balance hours of extracurricular obligations, leaving them little time to simply “be.” Perfection is often expected, whether self-imposed or otherwise, and anything short of a perfect transcript or close-to-perfect test scores can be seen as catastrophic. Studies show that some students are retaking the ACT, SAT, or a combination of both, anywhere from eight to ten times, while commonly having panic attacks during the test.
As the pressure on high school students intensifies and the bar to be competitive continues to rise, the “rules” relating to college admissions continue to change from year to year, making an already overwhelming process that much more stressful and mysterious. Admission to a highly rejective college that offers Early Decision is becoming almost essential as the disparity between Early Decision and Regular Decision admit rates continue to grow. In the 2020-2021 application cycle, Tulane admitted 31.4% of Early Decision applicants and only 7.6% of Regular Decision applicants, admitting 59.6% of the class Early Decision. By comparison, in the 2017-2018 application cycle, Tulane admitted 36% of Early Decision applicants and 21% of Regular Decision applicants, admitting only 26% of the class Early Decision. Additionally, the post-Covid test optional landscape is often confusing and vague.
Students don’t trust that test optional is truly test optional, believing instead that college admissions offices are prejudiced against test optional applicants. Many colleges are not forthcoming when sharing test optional admissions stats, commonly not releasing the difference in admission rates between test optional applicants and applicants submitting test scores. Further, the mid-50% of ACT and SAT ranges have skewed very high over the past few years as a result of test optional admissions. This lack of transparency results in students and advisors no longer knowing what a “good” score is and when to submit scores versus applying test optional. Test optional admissions has also made it more difficult for applicants to determine what schools are reaches, matches, or likelies. This uncertainty, along with rapidly decreasing admissions rates, has caused students to apply to more and more colleges. According to admissions officers from Rice University, application numbers are growing exponentially to the point where it will become unsustainable.
Over the years, application requirements at many colleges have continued to become more and more demanding, adding to the anxiety college-bound high schoolers are already feeling. Between countless application essays, stealth essays that don’t appear until an applicant has already begun to fill out their application, variations on grade reporting requirements, on test score reporting requirements, and the need to report first semester grades or even first quarter grades to some colleges, it is extremely difficult for students to keep track of the various requirements for all of their colleges. And once the application and all of its pieces are successfully submitted, students often face deferrals and waitlists, which may require a letter of continued interest, or additional letters of recommendation or essays. Some colleges defer rather than deny all applicants not admitted in the first round, often stringing along applicants with little to no chance of being admitted.
It’s no wonder the college admissions process provokes so much stress and anxiety in high school students. None of this takes into account the impact of social media posts by friends and peers celebrating college acceptances or the reality that many students (and groups of friends and peers) apply to the same handful of colleges. In most cases, some students will receive good news, and others won’t.
Sadly, as a parent, there is no easy solution to protect your child from the emotional backlash of college admissions. Most of the changes need to stem from the colleges themselves and society’s obsession with highly rejective colleges. As a parent, it is crucial not to catastrophize unwanted college decisions. There is no doubt that we all want our children to get everything that they hope for, but unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way. Our hearts hurt when our child hurts. As a parent, we should allow our child a chance to grieve when they don’t get into their first choice college. However, it is also our responsibility to pick them back up and remind them that, ultimately, it is not about where they go to college but what they do at whatever college they go to. Getting into college, any college, is a cause for celebration, even if you consider it to be a “safety” school. In What You Need To Remember About Fate During College Admission Season, Carly Breitbart states, “Whether it will be the school at the top of her “reach” list or the one at the bottom of her “safety” list, the college my sister goes to will end up being the school of her dreams. I know it. No acceptance, deferral, or denial can even compete with the memories she'll make during those next four years, wherever they may be.”
As parents, we must immediately deemphasize the pursuit of perfection - perfect grades, perfect test scores, the perfect college essay, and the perfect activity resume. Perfection is unattainable, and a B on a transcript or an ACT score below 30 will not prevent your child from having a happy and prosperous future. As Brennan Barnard states in the article linked above, “(a)s parents and educators, we must examine ourselves and what we are doing to the childhood of our kids. Is life so grim, so desperate? Is the future that scary, or do we trust that there are many paths to fulfillment, happiness, and success?”
Encourage your child to take a high school curriculum appropriate for them, which might not necessarily be a curriculum packed with AP, IB, or honors classes. Support your child in getting involved with extracurricular activities that they are passionate about rather than filling their out-of-school hours with activities they don’t enjoy but believe will make them more competitive.
There are thousands of four-year colleges in the United States. We need to help our children explore all of their options, not just those listed in college-ranking magazines. Help your child focus on the characteristics that will make a college right for them rather than the name of the college. It’s essential, as a parent, to remain as objective as possible when helping your child create their college list. According to Brennan Barnard, “As much as we think our children are special, there are millions of other parents out there thinking the same thing.” (Shedding Daylight On Control In College Admission) You will set your child up for inevitable heartbreak if you encourage them to apply to only colleges to which they have little chance of being admitted. Make sure your child understands that a college degree from a highly rejective school will not make them more special, successful, or loveable. And then help them build a realistic college list that you are both excited about.
Most important, remind your child that, in addition to working hard, high school is a time to have fun, be with friends, and simply be a teenager.
If you are looking for support to help your child conquer the admissions process in a stress-free and productive way, contact North Shore College Consulting today to learn more about our one-on-one, individual college consulting packages.